Ok, let’s see! Let’s see. What do we have today for lunch . . . Oh boy, lunch!!
Time for lunch! What do we want to eat?
You had prunes yesterday, so not those . . . Perhaps carrots? And some rice?
Come on, let’s get you in your chair! Get in your chair, please. You love your chair—a big chair for a big girl! Are you a big girl? Yes you are, yes you are! Yes, you are! Now, let’s put on your bib.
Yes, you need your bib, otherwise you’ll be covered in food and need a bath. Another bath!
Do you want the bib with the cars? See the cars? Vroomm. Or the one with the monsters? You love the monsters! That one? You want cars? OK, here we go. See? Now you’re all set in the chair, and you have your bib, and let’s see what’s for lunch!
Oh boy, lunch!
Time for lu-unch!
Why are you waving? Are you waving at me? Hi, there! Hi! Why . . . no, don’t get upset. No, no, no. What do you . . . oh, your spoon! I forgot your spoon. Here you go. Here’s your spoon. Here’s your spoon.
Time for lunch!
So we had prunes yesterday. So no prunes. Your poo gets a bit messy when you have too many prunes. Because of fiber. Yes! Fiber! Poo! Messy! OK, no prunes. No prunes toda-ay. But we have squash! Butternut squash. Squaaassh. Let’s have some of that mmmm . . .
No! Don’t throw your spoon on the floor. That is not where that goes. On your tray here, right here. Hold it . . . no! Not on the floor! I said no, because you put it on the floor. OK, I’m going to hold on to that for now. I’m getting your squash ready. It’s almost done, just another minute in the microwave.
Da Ti Da! Squash in the microwa—No! Look! Here it is, here it is! Don’t fuss. Here it is. All set, mmmm yummy! Orange and squishy! You love this. No, you love sweet potatoes, this is like that. You’ll like it. Open up! Here is your spoon, ready for . . . no? No. Not yet? Come on, open u-up. Open up big and wide! Please? Please just eat it. Is it too hot? It’s too hot. I’ll check it. Mmm, no, it’s not too hot. No, it’s fine! Here, open up. Oh, we got some in—nope, there it comes.
All over. Yes, now it’s all over. And now your hand—no, don’t put . . . Sweet potato in your hair. Why do you always . . . OK, I have to wash you off now.
I have to wash you off. You got it in your hair! I told you no. Please, no, stop crying. Stop crying.
Hang on, I’ll clean you up.
Here, give me your hands and your hair. Oh, how did you get it all over your head, how did you manage . . . No. I know you want prunes. I know that’s what you want. You can’t have them. Oh, how did you get it back here, on the back of your head . . . Is that even from today? No. No more prunes. Prunes make you messy. You cannot eat those. Look, they have too much fiber, and then they get into your tummy, and you cannot eat them.
No, listen to me, I know what you need. I know you’re not listening. You’re never listening! You can’t have prunes. I’m sorry, babe, no prunes.
Stop crying. Please. Stop.
No, don’t throw the—dammit. Now that’s all over the place. Everywhere, all over everywhere.
No. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I know you’re hungry, but I have to clean this up. Don’t I?
It will stain. I have to get the orange up. Your lunch. This is such a mess. Why is baby food such a mess. You’d think they’d give the least messy food to the messiest people. Although you make everything messy anyway. Everything you touch gets messy!
Oh babe, what do you want. What do you want . . . Stop screaming. Please stop screaming! I cannot handle . . . stop screaming. STOP SCREAM—no, sorry, I won’t yell. But please . . . What. Do. You. Want? What is it? I don’t get it. I DON’T GET IT. I use the voice. I did the dance. Do you think I talk like this? I don’t talk like this. You know I don’t normally talk like this.
I’m trying to talk to you, I’m trying. I’m really trying. I thought that was the deal, I talk to you and you eat. I
can’t do this. I can’t do this alone. .There is no one here. There is just you. Do you think you feed me? Do you think you give me food? Do you make me squash? You never make me squash. I feel so tired. I can’t remember the last time . . . I want a nap. I never get naps. I need a nap. Oh stop it. Please, I hear you. It was so long. So long ago. I can’t clean this up now. I have to sit down. I have to. I’m so tired. So, so tired.
I know. I know you’re sad. I get it. I’m failing you. Well, you’re failing me too right now. You really are. I don’t know what to do. I love you so much, and I just want you to eat, and I can’t get you to eat!.
Why don’t you see that I want to help you. Why don’t you just eat? Why don’t you let me help you? Why don’t you let me love you? I just want to love you. What do you want.?
I’m starving. Totally starving. I can’t believe you won’t even eat. I’ll probably lick this up off the floor. That’s what I do now. I’m good for nothing, absolutely nothing I can’t even get you to eat.
I’m so tired and hungry. We have no food. Nope. Just the shit that’s on the floor. And in your hair. No adult food. Just you-food. I don’t want you-food. I want me-food. All we have are ice-cube trays of you-food.
What are we going to do? We need a peace deal.
What do we have left. No. I’m not asking you. I know you don’t know.
Do you just sit there and stare at me? Not eating?
Do I just sit here and stare at you, not eating?
No one told me. I had no idea. I bet no one told you either, though. In all fairness. I didn’t ask for this. You didn’t ask for this. guess we’re in this together, kiddo. We’re in this together. It’s just me and you right now.
You know what we’re going to do? I know what we’re going to do.
We’re doing a fucking avocado. Avo-fucking-cado.
This is what we need to have. We’re eating this. It’s the only thing in the house.
We have to eat it. It’s all we have, sorry kid.
Here, I’ll open it. It’s easy. You just cut it in half. Yeah? Do you like that? Do you want some of this? Good. It’s green, right? We like green. And buttery . . . You don’t know what butter is.
But you will. Especially in this house, you will. We love butter. Too much.
Here you go, I’ll cut up a few pieces for you. Uh oh, they are sticking together! They are stick— You like that?! Yes you do! Look at you. You like the avocado clump, don’t you! Here you go, eat that. Mmmm! Now I’ll eat one! Mmm, it is good. Look at that, now you eat one.
No, you don’t need your spoon. Throw it away, on the floor, sure! Oh, and now the fingers in the—yup, there you go! In the hair. Avocado in your hair! Shall I do that too? Look, avocado in my hair, look! Just like you! And on your face? And on my face! We’re so silly! Silly billy! Food in your hair. Look at you!
Good job, you ate almost all of it. Good job, I’m so proud of you! Let’s get you out of your chair. You can keep the bib on. I really don’t care.
Come here, babe. Come here.
Let me hold you. Come rest here, I’ll sit down. Here. Are you comfortable? I’m comfortable. I’m warm too, it feels nice. You have avocado in your hair, it’s getting on my face.
Sleep babe, just sleep. Lie on me and sleep. Feel my heart, I feel yours.
I love you so much. Daddy’s little girl.
To keep up to date with all the latest news enter your email below.