There are so many things I love about my husband. Here are the Top 10:
- When we stay in hotels, he goes around the room checking lights and lets the front desk know immediately if any lightbulbs are out. He feels it’s his duty. Ironically, he doesn’t feel it’s his duty not to steal the toiletries, however.
- He HATES snakes. He’ll scream falsetto and get physically agitated if I say “snake.” Ellen! That’s not funny! Once, I moved an extension cord in a snake-like manner, and he had to leave the room. It was quite funny.
- He quotes movies that no one ever quotes.
and . He just says one word. His favorite is “Yes!” Said in an abnormal way that draws out the s. That’s from Meet Joe Black. He was surprised when I couldn’t guess the source. Legitimately surprised.
- He has a pair of socks that say “right” and “left,” and he laughs—more than any human should—when he puts them on the wrong feet. Accidentally or on purpose. CORRECTION (he read this post and corrected me): He’s never put them on the wrong foot on purpose. Noted.
- When my husband gets agitated or animated, he pulls in his arms and gestures his arms like a . It’s hard to take him serious. It’s hard to take himself serious. It defuses our fights.
- He starts EVERY. SINGLE. PHONE CALL with “Yeah, hi.” Put him on the phone with Jesus: “Yeah, hi Jesus.”
- He is really flexible—it’s almost creepy because it seems natural, like he doesn’t have bones. And he has no balance and will fall over when he’s standing still. I don’t think he realizes most people do not do this, and I haven’t told him. Sometimes, I fall over too to make him feel better.
- It takes my husband a half-hour to clip his toenails, and it’s very loud and straight out of a horror movie. CLIP………
..CLIP………..CLIP…. …….CLIP. And just when you think he’s fin.. CLIP!…… I think he has toes he’s not telling me about. I try to leave the house when I see him mobilizing this process.
- As soon as he gets home from work, he shouts “Hi!!! Ellen? Ellen? Hi!!” and will keep saying some variation of “Hi” and “Ellen” until I answer him. Sometimes I hide to see if he’ll keep going. He does. Although, now that we have cats who run to him the instant he gets in the door, he feels less need to find me.
- He recently went to Portugal, and he brought me back a bag of from duty-free, which are my absolute favorite candy, I eat them by the spoonful, but they are impossible to find in the UK. Then he told me that he bought me two bags but had eaten one of them. I asked him why the hell he told me there had been two bags, and he said, “You know I can’t lie to you.” Like that made it OK that he’d eaten one of MY bags.
I believe humanity lies in the mundane (perhaps the borderline obnoxious) and it is our acceptance, forgiveness, light-hearted approach to these things that sustains love. Or at least gets us through the tough bits.
My dearest, sweet, ridiculous obnoxiously picture-perfect husband. And his equally-ridiculous, imperfect wife.
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